you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
