I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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