I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
