Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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