just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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