You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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