Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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