tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
someone owes me an orgasm
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
