Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
