My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
