It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
