i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
