I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
