Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
