we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you had me at cake vodka
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
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