my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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