I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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