I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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