no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
