I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out mid-signature
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
