How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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