My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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