i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
