I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
