His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So vagazzling was a success
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
