I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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