so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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