I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize