my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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