It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
