We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
