me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
