I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
