What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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