hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
