I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish you could order shots online.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
