Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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