my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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