I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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