Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
