New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize