So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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