And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
