He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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