doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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