He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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