hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
