why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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