Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
