why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
