The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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