is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
