The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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