I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
