There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
