so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
