I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i need some magic done to my vagina
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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