i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I want is dick and wine.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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