In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize