Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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