I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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