Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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