He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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