Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
