I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
