Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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