i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
