You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
