I showed him my bush... on skype.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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