she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
