Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
