I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize