Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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