Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
