I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
