all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
