Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
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