If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize