elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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