During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
