I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
