Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
