yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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