I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize