Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
