If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
