Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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