What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
