you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize