just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
