I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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