DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
