We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
