Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
