Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
